Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
