I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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