I'm going to jail i love you
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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