Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
