any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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