I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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