I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
