Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
