Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have demons in me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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