Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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