I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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