apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
