she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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