when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
