She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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