Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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