This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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