i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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