He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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