i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
