Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
