That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
