it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
