had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
