Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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