yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
