I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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