Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
