if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
