If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
