I won't be sarcastic... just naked
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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