Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
