I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
