My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
