Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize