The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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