I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
