I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
