I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize