I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
