I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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