U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
