hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
