My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
