so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
