Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
