final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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