What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
