i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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