you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
