Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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