Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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