I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We are two peas in an std pod
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were trust falling into bushes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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