my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
