Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
