1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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