i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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