I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
