I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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