Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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