So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
