Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
